1st Iteration: Orientation

"We the Unwilling
Led by the Unqualified
To do the Unnecessary
For the Ungrateful"
-Anonymous graffitti scrawl in FIBUA village

Well, I guess that quote sums up the first 3 weeks of conscription in the SAF.

It wasnt so bad to begin with, because I had quite an important platoon-mate whose father wielded almost unimaginable power in the highest echelons of Our Benefactors (translation: I'm in a White Horse platoon. The dad's the minister of defence. If that aint big enough, I dont know what is). Things couldve been alot worse.

They started slow, as they always do. Orientation, they called it. Lectures by the OC and the OO (he's the living incarnation of 'mid-life crisis'), the presentation of the M16/AR-15 assault rifle, the various forms of physical training like Ability Group Runs, 30:60s, Strength Training, etc and the incredibly useless CPT warm up. There were also the route marches and Standard Obstacle Course sessions, and the marksmanship and grenade practice. It all became a routine, blurred, transient; each day varying wildly in terms of daily activity, yet managing to remain indistinguishable from the others by the time the lights went out in the bunk. The only time I enjoyed myself though was the visit to the E-Mart where I could buy chocolates and biscuits, having become so darn deprived. (I think I'll add an index of all these abbreviations and their respective explanations for the non-military readers out there, but for now I'll have to get on with this..)

The more interesting aspect to this period were the people I met.

Not that my platoon-mates came from diverse and dissimilar backgrounds, as the PAP propaganda phamphlets are prone to suggest. In fact we were/are all S paper students. The elite of the nation's educational elite.

But having said that there was a very wide range of personalities and character types. There were the skivers, the workers, the jokers and the groupies; all unique in their own sort of way. I'd like to elaborate more, but for reasons of courtesy and time constraints I shall move on.

Then there were the officers and their beloved subordinates, The Sergeants.

Again, they represented a plethora of characters.

There was 2SG Joe, the "Mohawk" Man, who became renowned for his pet phrase ("Are you a fucking pussy??!!") and his umistakable hairstyle (note that "mohawk" is in inverted commas).

There was 3SG Raziff, The Big Friendly Bear.

There was 3SG Daryl, the Mad Horse, famous for his temper and his idiosyncracy of pronouncing "Right" as "Aite".

There was 3SG Goh, who got attached 3 days after meeting a girl at Zouk on our first book-out night.

There was the Officer Commanding, LTA Melvin, who till now is a rabid Manchester Untied fan but redeems himself through his wacky sense of humour.

There was my Platoon Sergeant, Denzil Ong, who would later prove himself to be the only SGT on Tekong to have retained his humanity in an island of madness.

And there were the clerks at the Medical Office, who played console games behind their desks, while the rest of the world sat morosely in the patients' waiting area, wracked with the horrible Tekong Cough. Quite an amusing spectacle, that one was.

And Sam's PC, a 2LT who kept calling everything "outstanding".

And the list goes on.

Yes, it was very interesting, but at that point I didnt realise it because I was sick and loathed my circumstances horribly.

My thoughts at that point of time were focussed on the negative aspects to the whole thing.

And I did get several insightful ideas about it.

It is said that the Army is essentially a Coming of Age ritual for the Singaporean male, a transition from a short sighted and immature juvenile to a robust and resilient adult capable of surviving the rigours of the working world.

Now this is only partially true, according to my observations. It is a certainty that quite a few consripts are transformed into that archetype of the mature male specimen, ideal and idealized, but the bulk of the "enlistees" either retain their immaturity or degenerate into subhuman forms of life.

It is the last category that attracts most of my attention and evokes much of my disgust.

These "men" (called only so because they resemble humans) are of overbearing demeanour and overwhelming temper, yet their facutlies for both reason and emotion (save that of anger and brutality) are at an absolute minimum. In short, the level of their inhumanity is matched only by the extent of their stupidity. Colonel MacAdder in Waugh's Decline and Fall describes it perfectly: give hell to the man immediately below you and you can rely on him to pass it on with interest.

I could elaborate more on these hideous, twisted life forms, but suffice to say that these untermenschen with oversized egos will continue to be the subject of my utmost contempt and disdain, what ever the outward facade of respect I display....

Now thats when this Iteration ends, whenever I trail off into a ramble of grumbles and whining.

This will be modified in the future as more memories squeeze themselves out of my underused brain.

But if anything, I am grateful to all you folks out there who've been supporting me through prayer or SMS or practical help. Many thanks and much gratitude to you lot, and to God my Father too, Who's always been there for me.

You citizens may sleep easy under the watchful gaze of the Singapore Armed Forces!!

*cough cough*


posted by baron at 8:30 AM

After a month in the Army I've decided to return to this blog, in order to keep a record of my experiences and thoughts. This has been given a renewed sense of urgency recently because I now find myself becoming more and more forgetful and less and less articulate as my brain shrinks due to prolonged exposure to SAF regimentation.

So here goes the Account, roughly divided into 3 Iterations:
1st Iteration: Orientation (weeks 1 to 3)
2nd Iteration: Field Camp/SITEST (weeks 4 to 5)
3rd Iteration: Culmination (weeks 6 to 9)

Such a wonderful experience, the Army....

Hah who am I kidding?

But seriously the whole thing and my constant shifting of paradigms make for interesting memories..



posted by baron at 8:22 AM